HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #13–15

***SPOILERS***

                                          

He-Man: The Eternity War #13–15 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan and Tom Derenick, concluding the run of this title. Here, Skeletor makes his big play to rule the cosmos or, failing that, to end all life in the universe, including his own, because go big or go home.

So, Skeletor gets his final form, He-Man gets his final form (plus, in a callback to issue #19 of the previous but identical run, the convenient ability to stop time since he’s also the “master of eternity”). Anyway, they look pretty silly. The undercard is She-Ra versus the ghost of Hordak for the simple reason that she wouldn’t have anything to do otherwise.

Skeletor’s defeat is abrupt and underwhelming: he talks a lot of smack, and then Dragonball He-Man just kinda walks up and shanks him in the chest while he and She-Ra shout “We have the power” a bunch of times. It’s all just mostly dumb.

It’s also all out of the way by the end of issue #14. Issue #15 is kind of an epilogue; it feels like setup for a storyline that will probably never happen, but one that seems infinitely more appealing than the grim and gritty slog we’ve just been through (I really could have done without mangled, cadaverous Prince Adam in #13) but probably wouldn’t live up to even my severely tempered expectations.

So what have we seen in all these comics? A lot of spectacle, but nowhere near enough setup to make it compelling; a decent Skeletor, but a He-Man who doesn’t do much and a cast of underdeveloped characters; King Hsss shoehorned awkwardly into the comics from the start out of obligation, and a lot of convenient plotting and abrupt resolution.

Issues #13–#15, then, are the underwhelming conclusion to an unimpressive run of comics. If DC’s got any more He-Man comics along these lines in the works, I could just as soon do without them.

NOT RECOMMENDED

HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #10–12

***SPOILERS***

                                          

He-Man: The Eternity War #10–12 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, Adam wages his inevitable internal war against King Hsss, Sorceress-Teela battles Sorceress-Evil-Lyn, and we finally find out what’s been going on with Man-At-Arms since way the heck back in issue #2.

The Sorceress can rescue She-Ra like it’s nothing? Oh, that’s convenient. Moss Man can erase the entire Fright Zone? Oh, that’s convenient. On it goes. All of this is rushed, thrown together with insufficient buildup. We’ve also got a bunch of awful speechy dialogue that Abnett had previously done an adequate job of avoiding.

So this showdown between Sorceress-Teela and Sorceress-Evil-Lyn: I’ve complained a little in the past about the ill-conceived religion of this Eternia. Here, we’re told that it’s “two sides of the same goddess” that are battling. That doesn’t even make any sense. Whatever. It’s dumb.

There’s a new character here, War Wraith, and of course it’s Man-At-Arms, because who else was it going to be? At least one classic character and possibly more gets killed off—it doesn’t matter who, because the characterizations have been either so poor or so nonexistent that it’s impossible to care.  

Shoutouts are due to the artist here, first for doing a squadron of Dragon Walkers without making them look completely ridiculous, and second for finally giving me the classic He-Man and Battle Cat design.

Things are obviously building to the inevitable climactic showdown between He-Man and Skeletor, but honestly, I’m not sure I even know who to root for at this point. But that’s all right, because I don’t actually care, either. Let’s just get this over with.

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HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #7–9

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #7–9 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan, Edgar Salazar, and others. Here, Skeletor reminisces about how he once hooked up with Shadow Weaver, raised Adora, and got involved in a pretty sloppy time paradox, and then he sells out She-Ra. Meanwhile, Adam, having broken the Power Sword because Teela told him to, sits around feeling sorry for himself while Hordak launches his invasion of the entire universe. No, really, the entire universe.

So here we’ve got the introduction of a brand new plot device that allows Skeletor to turn the tide suddenly and catastrophically. Well, that’s convenient. Much of these issues, in fact, feel rather convenient, as Skeletor’s apparently a Batman-level advance planner.

So this is three issues not only without He-Man, but also without Adam doing anything of consequence. No, this is the Skeletor Show through and through. I have mixed feelings about this, because on the one hand, they’re obviously doing it wrong, but on the other, Skeletor’s the only remotely interesting character we’ve got around here.

The art is generally fine, although the action sequence at the end of #9 is not. It’s confusing and underwhelming, and that’s too bad, because it’s a pretty important scene.

I’m not ready to say these issues were any good, but at least they were decently interesting. That’s something. But given that issue #9 ends with Hordak dead and the revelation that Adam is possessed by King Hiss (Hssss? Hssssssssssss?), there are no doubt plenty of shenanigans ahead. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

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HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MINICOMIC COLLECTION

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Minicomic Collection (2015) collects all 49 of the original Masters of the Universe minicomics that were packaged with the 1980s line of action figures, plus one that was never published and a script for another, plus all 11 Princess of Power minicomics, all four New Adventures minicomics, two 200X minicomics, three MOTU Classic minicomics, creator interviews, and the fantastic vintage Bruce Timm-illustrated The Power of the Evil Horde.

For the purpose of this review, the quality of these stories is irrelevant (as we’ve seen on this site, they vary widely). The point is that every single one of them—everything you could possibly want—is right here in one place.

This is a 1,200-page 6x9 monster of a book. Every minicomic page gets its own full-size, full-color page here, and it’s absolutely glorious. The one and only knock on this book is that with practically non-existent inner margins, the images run nearly into the spine, and the pages in the middle of the volume can be difficult to read without causing harm to the book.

Nevertheless, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Minicomic Collection is a must-have for anyone still clinging to their love of 1980s He-Man. I for one want more collections like this.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #4–6

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #4–6 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, She-Ra has a showdown with Hordak, Skeletor returns, and Space Boots He-Man sees a vision of the future in which he becomes a brutal dictator.

The characterizations continue to be extremely weak. The only interesting character here is Skeletor, because he’s the only one with any personality; that is, he’s the only one who isn’t a pretentious speechifying cardboard cutout.

We get a little bit more lore here, and in a very palatable dose. The implication, however, is terrifying: the religion of this Eternia is one in which the goddess seems to be whatever the ruling party wants her to be. That’s one small step away from Lovecraftian horror, and that shows you exactly how misguided this series continues to be.  

We are explicitly told that this is a parallel universe to the Eternia(s) I care about, the one(s) I have loved since childhood (although the iPhone game?! Really?!). That does make me unclench my buttocks a little bit, but it also underscores the fact that bleak Lovecraftian Eternia is a weak-sauce universe, and I for one would much prefer to be back in one of the better ones. Nothing to be done for it, alas.

While it fits in this world, from a broader perspective, He-Man-as-evil-dictator is a laughable premise, one that’s impossible to take seriously. Nevertheless, it’s used as a hypothetical here to decent effect.

Mhan’s art is solid as usual, but we’re reminded again just how bad the designs of Skeletor’s warriors are. Hordak, the Evil Warriors, She-Ra, He-Man—it’s just bad character designs across the board these days. There are also flashes here of what I called the “techy and off-putting designs” at the end of The Art of He-Man, plus that Battle Cat person, which has me bracing myself in expectation of this property taking a turn for the severe worse (I mean, honestly, as disappointing as this grim and gritty version of He-Man has been, who thinks grim and gritty New Adventures would be any better?).

As the covers of these issues clearly indicate and as their contents confirm, these still aren’t remotely close to being comics you can share with your kids. As someone who has derived a great deal of pleasure from indoctrinating my small children with a passionate love for the old Filmation cartoons, this continues to be profoundly disappointing (This is the last time I complain about this, I promise. It’s not going to change; I know that.).

In short, in spite of the many things they do badly, a coherent if unimpressive story and a decently interesting and much-needed plot turn at the end of #6 keep these issues afloat.

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THE ART OF HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

The Art of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2015) was published by Dark Horse Comics in collaboration with The Power and Honor Foundation. It features copy by Tim Seeley, Steve Seeley, and James Eatock. With over 300 color pages, this is quite a book: it covers nearly 35 years, from the seminal 1980 toy concepts all the way up through DC’s current run of weak-sauce comics and beyond.

Arranged topically rather than strictly chronologically, this book provides the broad strokes of the art. If you’re looking for a history of the franchise, you won’t find it here. And while The Art of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe isn’t comprehensive on any of its subjects, it does provide a representative sampling of everything.

The first two chapters cover the classic toy line, and the Mattel design memos and proto-versions of the characters are some of the most interesting parts of the entire book (How about that unproduced “Ball Buster” vehicle? Man, I miss the ’80s). There’s plenty of art here that was featured on the toy packaging, but no pictures of the toys in the packages or in the stores, so if you were hoping for that, caveat emptor.

Chapter 3 covers the minicomics. If, like me, you still have all yours, this section might not do a whole lot for you (and remember the minicomic collection is coming out in November). I don’t mean to nitpick, but there’s a pretty glaring error on p. 73, where a page from “The Search for Keldor” has a caption about “The Ultimate Battleground.”

From there, the book moves to Filmation, where the highlights are the storyboards and some interesting developmental designs for She-Ra (who has token representation throughout the book) and Hordak. It also comes with a little He-Man/Skeletor cel you can take out, which is cool.

Chapter 5 encompasses the ’80s comics, books, and magazines. There’s a fantastic collection of Earl Norem’s amazing paintings here, plus some pages from the unreleased Star #14, where He-Man’s wearing the Dolph costume and “Grayskull” is misspelled.

The most notable part of Chapter 6, which covers the live-action movie, is the design concepts by Ralph McQuarrie (of Star Wars fame). I’ve complained about William Stout’s designs for the movie, but holy smokes, this McQuarrie stuff is horrendous. Remember kids, no matter how bad things get, it could always be worse!

Chapter 7 covers New Adventures. Boo. The amazing, horrific highlight here is that before NA was produced, there was a “military pitch called H.E.M.A.N.” where He-Man “joined the US Army.” Remember, kids, it could always be worse!

The book moves on to cover the 200X series, featuring a lot of art you’re probably familiar with plus designs for new characters that weren’t used (none of them were missed), and then to MOTU Classics. This latter chapter feels less about the art and more about shilling the figures, although it redeems itself somewhat with the maps and diagrams.

The last chapter briefly covers the He-Man app game, He-Man’s Facebook page (the two most wasted pages in the book), and the current misguided run of DC comics. It concludes with some techy and off-putting designs of indeterminate purpose (New New Adventures, anybody?), including a Battle Cat who can change into a person. Remember, kids, it can always get worse!   

The book also includes a number of interviews interspersed throughout. Some are interesting, but others are just not good (minicomic writer Steven Grant: “I didn’t pay attention, I didn’t think about it, I don’t know, I can’t remember”).

In all, I could have done with more ’80s stuff and less new stuff (it’s about a 2:1 ratio as it stands), but you can’t please everybody, and I really can’t complain too much. And while there’s a little too much marketing and pandering at times in the last 100 pages, this is a very impressive collection.

Unless you’re the most hardcore of collectors, there’s likely a decent amount of stuff here that you haven’t seen before, and both the familiar and the unfamiliar make The Art of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe well worthwhile for anyone who still holds a passion for He-Man.

RECOMMENDED

HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #1–3

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #1–3 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, Giger-abomination Hordak turns back into regular Hordak and forges himself a Power Sword, because all the cool kids have one these days and I hope you brought enough for everybody.  

Welcome to the new He-Man, same as the old He-Man. As expected, there’s a heavy dose of lore here, especially in issue #1, which is mostly recap so as to serve as a jumping-on point for new readers. Castle Grayskull is back somehow, and so is pretty much everybody else of note, including Skeletor, who can apparently use his awesome magic powers to come back to life but not to conjure himself a new jawbone.

In issue #2, Space Boots He-Man leads the snake troops into battle, while in issue #3, She-Ra chases MacGuffins. Meanwhile, Man-at-Arms fights a bunch of snake men allies for no other reason than to get back onto our radar and then becomes Iron Man. Lots of fighting ensues; most of it just feels obligatory, necessary to offset all the exposition we have to slog through.

Space Boots He-Man finally moves to the forefront in issue #2, although pretty much only because there’s a giant monster that needs killin’. He’s still not worth a damn as a character, though, because he’s got no real personality: he’s a generic hero shouting generic inspirational heroisms while fighting whatever bad guy is directly in front of him (and She-Ra’s almost exactly the same way, only more matter-of-fact and less angsty).

At one point, Man-at-Arms tells him, “You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known. Not because of the sword or the power of Grayskull. Because of you.” If only that were true, I would probably like these comics. This version of He-Man hasn’t done anything at any point to merit that praise, mostly because Abnett doesn’t seem to have a clue what to do with him. This He-Man’s got no wisdom, no compassion, no cleverness, no sense of humor—none of the things that made Filmation He-Man (and, to a lesser but still significant extent, 200X He-Man) such an endearing and admirable character. Not that Abnett’s left any real room in the story for these qualities anyway—his He-Man is little more than a grim and merciless killing machine, a video game character, and not at all someone who’s fun to hang out with or read comics about.

Mhan’s art is fine as usual, and the battle scenes are well done. There’s an awful lot of posing, though, especially in issue #1, since it’s mostly folks just standing around talking. And I will say, Space Boots He-Man does look slightly less terrible with that He-Dolph cape, although Battle Cat, like so many other characters in this series, looks completely ridiculous. Also, tell me that the Hordak-ified Castle Grayskull doesn’t look like the idol from the old Fireball Island board game. Stick a big marble right in there.

I’ve made fun of a bunch of stuff here, but honestly, these comics don’t actually do anything wrong per se. But the fact is, with all these one-dimensional characters and the throw-in-everything-as-fast-as-possible approach, I just don’t care—there’s no reason for me to care, nothing (and, more to the point, nobody) in particular to care about (in these three issues, we’re supposed to wonder whether three notable characters are dead—it just doesn’t matter). This all still feels like pretend He-Man to me, like weak fan fiction from folks who think grim and gritty = trendy = awesome, and no matter where Abnett, DC, and Mattel go with this story (I expect the expected), that seems unlikely to change.

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