HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #1-3

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #1-3 (DC) are written by Keith Giffen and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, the Evil Horde, led by Despara (Adora) invades Eternia.

The murderous rampage of an unstoppable Horde army is a compelling plot – if we could ever focus on it. But Giffen’s focus is always on the Most Powerful Bickering in the Universe! Just like in the miniseries, Giffen feeds us page after page of inane banter and petty bickering between Yellow Cross He-Man and Teela (in issue #2, it’s page 7 before we get a meaningful line of dialogue). This is certainly annoying in its own right, but it’s particularly bad in juxtaposition to Randor’s high fantasy speechifying. Giffen might not be able to deliver a compelling twist, cliffhanger, or narrative, but he is the undisputed king of immature sarcasm.

We’re also sticking with the no-secret-identity business, which is idiotic for a number of reasons, including the fact that Adam still runs off to transform (because he “needs space”? Seriously?) and, most egregiously, that there’s no reason for him to ever be Adam for any reason.

The problems mount. In #2, we get a cynical exchange between Randor and Yellow Cross He-Man about the unlikelihood of some of the characters, and in addition to making no sense in the context of the story, it absolutely shatters the reader’s suspension of disbelief. We also get some pretty severe Mekaneck-bashing, which is both in poor taste and too easy. It’s obvious that Giffen has not bought in to this franchise. To that, I say: Jesus, man, stop bitching about what you have to work with and tell us a story. We know Mekaneck is lame; stop telling us what we’ve known since 1984 and maybe try to do something about it.    

There’s still no development of any of the supporting characters. Roboto gets some significant screen time in #3, but he talks just like everybody else. And here we come to the foundational problem of these comics: Giffen has swept away decades of backstory and characterization, but made only a perfunctory effort to replace them. There is, therefore, no foundation upon which to relate to any of these characters or to care about what happens to them.  

If all of this isn’t enough evidence that Giffen is the absolute wrong writer for the job, there’s also the part where Teela randomly strips to her underwear in front of everybody for absolutely no reason.

On a more positive note, I’m okay with Pop Mhan as the regular artist for this series. His work generally ranges from competent to above average, and even if the backgrounds can be as scanty as Teela’s outfit, it’s the consistency – which was missing from the miniseries – that makes the difference. There are some nice touches with the design, too, as various buildings, characters, and vehicles hearken back to either the Filmation series or the 200X series. To that I say: the more, the better. But while we’re on the subject of the art, why on earth are Skeletor’s minions on the cover of #2?

One more thing. Here’s the alternate cover to issue #1, the one I got from my DC subscription:

That’s right, it’s an ad, complete with the website where you can buy all those toys. It’s terrible. It’s shameful. It’s insulting. It’s the new DC.

In conclusion, then, Giffen isn’t really hammering the square peg into the round hole any better than he did with the miniseries. You just can’t trust him with this property, nor should you. Just because these comics are slightly less terrible than the miniseries doesn’t mean they’re worthwhile.  

NOT RECOMMENDED

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: THE ORIGIN OF HORDAK

***SPOILERS***

Masters of the Universe: The Origin of Hordak is a 2013 DC one-shot written by Keith Giffen and Brian Keene and illustrated by Giffen and Scott Koblish.

Origin. DC He-Man people, you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Zodac, eh? And he’s Hordak’s brother, eh? Is that what we’re doing now? Okay, I guess, although there doesn’t seem to be much point to it. This “origin” is little more than a protracted fight scene over which exposition is spouted (see also the God-awful Origin of He-Man); there’s none of the backstory needed to make us care about these characters, their relationship, or even the death of a million people.

The paper-thin plot doesn’t make a ton of sense either: Hordak can’t fight Zodac to the death in Backgroundless Rubble-Filled Place 1; they have to travel to the identical Backgroundless Rubble-Filled Place 2? Why? To make Zodac fight Leech for five minutes? And yet, there are the building blocks of a good story here: a mini-series chronicling the events Hordak and Zodac discuss, for example, could have worked quite well.

Aside from the fact we seem to be borrowing from King Hiss’s 200X backstory for Enforcer-fighting Hordak (which doesn’t really matter because they never make us care), his reimagining as a magical energy vampire works just fine. Meanwhile, however, Zodac apparently doesn’t rate having any of his backstory retained (it’s also interesting, given the fact that DC imported Dekker from the 200X series, that the decision’s been made to re-Caucasianize him).   

This one-shot’s connections to the monthly comic’s “present day” are also disappointing. There’s a little insight into Skeletor’s red skull, but that’s about it. The most burning question – how good old bat-Hordak became a Giger-esque abomination – is not addressed in the slightest.

Giffen’s art is as unimpressive as his writing. I appreciate the fact that his Fright Zone pays tribute to both the Filmation version and the playset, and he does a good job of putting emotion on Hordak’s face; however, his characters are angular, his layouts call to mind someone who can't figure out how to make his camera zoom out, and, while maybe it’s not fair to call this “Twenty Pages of Rubble and Glowy Magic,” the backgrounds are deal-breakingly few. And Hordak’s casting a Batman shadow, Giffen? Seriously?

In short, The Origin of Hordak relates a vignette in which everything of significance or interest has either already happened or is yet to come. The teasers for this comic included the question, “What the heck is a demigod anyway?” I’m not certain what sort of brain-damaged young people DC’s targeting with their Masters of the Universe comics, but they’re absolutely nailing that demographic.

NOT RECOMMENDED

MOTU Marathon: The Finish Line

Huzzah! Eight and a half months and over 150 posts later, we’ve reached the end of the Mammoth Read-Along Masters of the Universe Marathon. I freely admit, it ended up being an order of magnitude bigger than I’d anticipated when I conceived of it, but I’ve found it to be a profoundly satisfying experience, and I sincerely hope that you’ve enjoyed it anywhere close to as much as I have.

I should take a minute to talk about what we’ve looked at over the last month, starting with this question: DC, what the hell are you doing? The 200X comics, which I appreciate now more than ever, displayed a healthy respect for the MOTU characters even as they reshaped the franchise for a more mature audience. In contrast, DC, with its blatant disdain for these well-established characters, seems to be saying, “Let’s take this fundamentally silly children’s stuff and make it as gritty and badass as possible because people like things that are gritty and badass.” (For the record, they’re gritty and badass by He-Man standards, not comic book standards – but either way, it’s just not working.) You will quote me this proverb: If it ain’t broke, don’t take a steaming (but gritty and badass) dump on it.

I’ve been trying to stay open-minded with these DC comics, but so far we’ve run the gamut from mediocre stories told badly to terrible stories told extremely well. I feel like I could have given nearly all of them a RECOMMENDED AGAINST if I’d wanted to; reading most of them the first (and, in many cases, second) time actively irritated me.

It’s remarkable: even though they demonstrated fidelity to the spirit of the MOTU world and its population, the 200X comics were severely constrained in the stories they could tell because of licensing issues, and now, ten years later, DC comes along and black is white and up is down.

These new DC comics, which seem to be geared toward those who liked He-Man as a child and then grew up and either forgot what it was really like or became embarrassed by it, are to He-Man what Tootsie Rolls are to chocolate. DC hasn’t yet given me a single reason to take this incarnation seriously. If you love He-Man and you aren’t reading these comics, you aren’t missing a thing.

Yellow Cross He-Man himself has powers that are neither fabulous nor secret, and thus far the most interesting thing about him is whether he will end up ranking ahead of or behind Space Ponytail He-Man at the far end of the He-Man pantheon table. One thing’s for certain: Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.

Or maybe one day we’ll all look back and pretend none of this ever happened.

But enough of that. I don’t want the last two weeks to ruin the great run we’ve had. Let me get the stink out of my mouth the best way I know how:

And again:

One more:

There we go.

A final note: in conjunction with the MOTU Classics figures, Dark Horse has been producing a number of new mini-comics, and we may eventually take a look at those. (Those comics’ He-Man.org archive page is HERE.)

Thanks for reading.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: ORIGIN OF HE-MAN

Masters of the Universe: Origin of He-Man is a 2013 DC one-shot written by Joshua Hale Fialkov and illustrated by Ben Oliver.

First of all, what the heck was wrong with the origin from the Halperin bible and the 200X cartoon? This vacuous deus ex machina has no pizazz at all. Again, just as with The Origin of Skeletor, if you don’t already know the basic of origin of He-Man, you’re probably going to be pretty unimpressed (likely, you’ll be unimpressed in any case). Most egregiously, this is an origin in which He-Man never has a secret identity, as the comic opens with Adam transforming for the first time in front of Skeletor.

Fialkov uses the same structure here he used in The Origin of Skeletor: alternating flashbacks and not a lot of character development, context, or supporting cast. There’s further weakening of the Randor character – I’ve given up on him – and Prince Adam is neither interested nor interesting.

About the only thing worthwhile going on here is the moderately interesting conversation between Adam and Skeletor, which mostly centers on backstory exposition. However, there’s not enough to do much with.

Oliver’s characters look pretty good – in the rare instances they aren’t entirely in shadow. The colorists do a fantastic job. But what do we have to do to get some backgrounds around here? Oh, and the Sorceress looks like a stripper.

Origin of He-Man is an abject failure. DC continues to “fix” what isn’t broken, and I’m beginning to wonder if, by the end of this, I won’t think more highly of Space Ponytail He-Man than Yellow Cross He-Man. I may already.  

RECOMMENDED AGAINST

Its He-Man.org archive page is HERE

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #5-8 (DC digital comics)

Concluding the brief run of digital comics, these four issues, by a variety of writers and artists, feature backstory vignettes with Evil Lyn, Orko, Trapjaw, and Adora.

In “Evil Lyn” (I guess we’re dropping the hyphen), Evil Lyn becomes romantically involved with an ex-royal guardsman, and we get further setup for future stories with the second of the two most powerful relics in “the Everything.”

So, now we’ve got sex in a He-Man comic, eh? No doubt if anybody prominently involved with the creation of Masters of the Universe is dead, they’re spinning in their graves. The other thing that feels out of place here (although I guess when you think about it, it really shouldn’t) is the big flat-screen TV in the tavern, on which the patrons watch highlights of Yellow Cross He-Man battling Skeletor on the evening news. It can’t be long before we get a MOTUC figure of Repor-Tor, Heroic Newsman, or somesuch. 

The art’s fine, but I guess the colorist had the day off. The primarily black and white art gives this comic a noir feel, but this isn’t the sort of story that really benefits from such a treatment.

On the whole, this is a decent enough story, but it doesn’t tell us anything new about Evil Lyn, and those who know the character will see the ending coming a long way off.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

In “Orko,” Orko screws up one of the Sorceress’s spells, throwing Eternia’s reality into flux. And by flux I mean complete madness.

Wow. Just, wow. Did Jeff Parker get drunk watching cartoons and dash this off in fifteen minutes? With overt pop culture references to The Dark Knight Returns, Spongebob Squarepants, Pac-Man, Calvin and Hobbes, Roger Rabbit, and lots more, this is Cartoon Network on the hallucinogenic drug of your choice. And the dialogue is often brutal.

However, this comic is also refreshing in a way, as it gives us a nice little break from the shameless grim-and-grittification of the franchise. And Parker nearly redeems himself with Power Sword-wielding Orko shouting, “I temporarily have the power!”

The hero of this comic is artist Chris Gugliotti, who successfully executes a myriad of styles in terms of drawing, inks, and color, and, in the cases of the pop references, in the manner of the original artists (but dude, that Orko on the left side of the cover is creepy as hell). This single comic should be all the portfolio he’ll ever need.

There’s no real story here, nor any point to the goings-on beyond showcasing Gugliotti’s artistic abilities, but it’s worth checking out for that, plus the craziness – it’s all craziness.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

“Trapjaw” is a prequel to “Evil Lyn.”  Here, Kronis is an information broker and thief in a heist gone bad.

Wait, what? Yellow Cross He-Man throws a gun so hard that it makes Kronis’s jaw detach and his face turn green (talk about careless and irresponsible; Yellow Cross He-Man, we have “The Problem with Power” on line one)? And then these nanites save Kronis somehow? Not only is this origin kind of small-time, it’s also change purely for change’s sake: the 200X Icons of Evil one-shot gave us a much more significant, much more satisfying (and much more badass, while we’re at it) origin for Trapjaw.

What I do like is how Higgins has given us an overarching plot running through these stories. One hopes all this setup will be returned to in the ongoing monthly so we get our due payoff.

The art is fairly good. The splash page with Yellow Cross He-Man is about as epic as we’ve seen in these comics. And it’s nice to see a faithful (200X-ish) Snake Mountain (and Skeletor). However, all the buildup to give us a last-page reveal for Trapjaw? Come on – this character’s thirty years old – plus we’ve got the cover. Or is the big deal supposed to be that he’s basically got a garbage disposal for a throat?  

In short, this is a competently executed but needless and weak new origin.

NOT RECOMMENDED

In “She-Ra,” Despara – that is, Force Captain Adora – begins to recall flashes of her infancy; her story will be continued in the new ongoing monthly.

I don’t really have a problem accepting Adora as a cold-blooded Horde killer (she also murders a peripheral She-Ra character you probably don’t care about): it’s an understandable, logical, nigh-unavoidable step for any adult treatment of the character. If we get an appropriately climactic Damascus Road moment (I’m not holding my breath), I’m on board all the way.  

Drew Johnson’s art is very good, and the red-orange-black color scheme throughout sets the tone nicely. The Horde Troopers – now men instead of robots – have gotten a solid update. Adora’s outfit fits the Horde motif a lot better than the old cartoon one’s did, but if you don’t mind me saying so, it’s mighty weird to see Hordak’s face on top of boobs.

On the whole, this is the best new comic DC has given us, and it offers a glimmer of hope going forward. I don’t know that I need a bunch of She-Ra in my He-Man so soon, and one can’t help but imagine that they’ll find some way to screw things up, but I guess we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

RECOMMENDED

These comics’ He-Man.org archive page is HERE

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: THE ORIGIN OF SKELETOR

Masters of the Universe: The Origin of Skeletor is a 2012 DC one-shot written by Joshua Hale Fialkov and illustrated by Frazer Irving.

So we’re using the MOTU Classics origin of Keldor as Randor’s bastard half-brother. Fine; it’s not so terribly different from what the 200X series gave us. Except…the reason Keldor can’t be king after Miro is because he’s mixed race, not because he’s illegitimate. Is it just me, or does spineless Randor’s perpetuation of the culturally-ingrained racist establishment not jibe with any of the He-Man worlds we know?

In line with this, Randor is presented as a rather weak character, which is, I suppose, consistent with the horrific moral failure he commits in the digital comic. Man, when I was a kid, Randor had a pair; even more so his 200X incarnation; times have certainly changed.

Keldor is also entirely unimpressive, but for storytelling reasons: even though the book is half flashbacks, we get none of his character arc here. Keldor tells us repeatedly how great he is, but we never see him do anything – all we see is a pathetic egotistical loser with his face melted off.

I’d wager that most people who read this comic already have a pretty good idea about the origin of Skeletor – and given that, this issue needs to impress – which it doesn’t. But if you’re brand new to the He-Man party, this issue will raise as many questions as it answers, both in terms of the specifics (e.g., Keldor’s betrayal, his acid face, why people hate the Gar, etc.) and the general (e.g., what’s going on in a meaningful sense with any of the relationships between these characters).

The murky art – heavy inks, smudgy colors, surrealist tendencies, minimal backgrounds – fits well enough with the murky storytelling. That is to say, I didn’t care for it; your mileage may vary. Hordak looks like something H.R. Giger would have come up with.

Whether you’re an old reader or a new one, The Origin of Skeletor probably isn’t going to do much for you – except, perhaps, irritate you.

NOT RECOMMENDED

Its He-Man.org archive page is HERE