HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #10–12

***SPOILERS***

                                          

He-Man: The Eternity War #10–12 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, Adam wages his inevitable internal war against King Hsss, Sorceress-Teela battles Sorceress-Evil-Lyn, and we finally find out what’s been going on with Man-At-Arms since way the heck back in issue #2.

The Sorceress can rescue She-Ra like it’s nothing? Oh, that’s convenient. Moss Man can erase the entire Fright Zone? Oh, that’s convenient. On it goes. All of this is rushed, thrown together with insufficient buildup. We’ve also got a bunch of awful speechy dialogue that Abnett had previously done an adequate job of avoiding.

So this showdown between Sorceress-Teela and Sorceress-Evil-Lyn: I’ve complained a little in the past about the ill-conceived religion of this Eternia. Here, we’re told that it’s “two sides of the same goddess” that are battling. That doesn’t even make any sense. Whatever. It’s dumb.

There’s a new character here, War Wraith, and of course it’s Man-At-Arms, because who else was it going to be? At least one classic character and possibly more gets killed off—it doesn’t matter who, because the characterizations have been either so poor or so nonexistent that it’s impossible to care.  

Shoutouts are due to the artist here, first for doing a squadron of Dragon Walkers without making them look completely ridiculous, and second for finally giving me the classic He-Man and Battle Cat design.

Things are obviously building to the inevitable climactic showdown between He-Man and Skeletor, but honestly, I’m not sure I even know who to root for at this point. But that’s all right, because I don’t actually care, either. Let’s just get this over with.

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HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #7–9

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #7–9 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan, Edgar Salazar, and others. Here, Skeletor reminisces about how he once hooked up with Shadow Weaver, raised Adora, and got involved in a pretty sloppy time paradox, and then he sells out She-Ra. Meanwhile, Adam, having broken the Power Sword because Teela told him to, sits around feeling sorry for himself while Hordak launches his invasion of the entire universe. No, really, the entire universe.

So here we’ve got the introduction of a brand new plot device that allows Skeletor to turn the tide suddenly and catastrophically. Well, that’s convenient. Much of these issues, in fact, feel rather convenient, as Skeletor’s apparently a Batman-level advance planner.

So this is three issues not only without He-Man, but also without Adam doing anything of consequence. No, this is the Skeletor Show through and through. I have mixed feelings about this, because on the one hand, they’re obviously doing it wrong, but on the other, Skeletor’s the only remotely interesting character we’ve got around here.

The art is generally fine, although the action sequence at the end of #9 is not. It’s confusing and underwhelming, and that’s too bad, because it’s a pretty important scene.

I’m not ready to say these issues were any good, but at least they were decently interesting. That’s something. But given that issue #9 ends with Hordak dead and the revelation that Adam is possessed by King Hiss (Hssss? Hssssssssssss?), there are no doubt plenty of shenanigans ahead. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

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HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #4–6

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #4–6 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, She-Ra has a showdown with Hordak, Skeletor returns, and Space Boots He-Man sees a vision of the future in which he becomes a brutal dictator.

The characterizations continue to be extremely weak. The only interesting character here is Skeletor, because he’s the only one with any personality; that is, he’s the only one who isn’t a pretentious speechifying cardboard cutout.

We get a little bit more lore here, and in a very palatable dose. The implication, however, is terrifying: the religion of this Eternia is one in which the goddess seems to be whatever the ruling party wants her to be. That’s one small step away from Lovecraftian horror, and that shows you exactly how misguided this series continues to be.  

We are explicitly told that this is a parallel universe to the Eternia(s) I care about, the one(s) I have loved since childhood (although the iPhone game?! Really?!). That does make me unclench my buttocks a little bit, but it also underscores the fact that bleak Lovecraftian Eternia is a weak-sauce universe, and I for one would much prefer to be back in one of the better ones. Nothing to be done for it, alas.

While it fits in this world, from a broader perspective, He-Man-as-evil-dictator is a laughable premise, one that’s impossible to take seriously. Nevertheless, it’s used as a hypothetical here to decent effect.

Mhan’s art is solid as usual, but we’re reminded again just how bad the designs of Skeletor’s warriors are. Hordak, the Evil Warriors, She-Ra, He-Man—it’s just bad character designs across the board these days. There are also flashes here of what I called the “techy and off-putting designs” at the end of The Art of He-Man, plus that Battle Cat person, which has me bracing myself in expectation of this property taking a turn for the severe worse (I mean, honestly, as disappointing as this grim and gritty version of He-Man has been, who thinks grim and gritty New Adventures would be any better?).

As the covers of these issues clearly indicate and as their contents confirm, these still aren’t remotely close to being comics you can share with your kids. As someone who has derived a great deal of pleasure from indoctrinating my small children with a passionate love for the old Filmation cartoons, this continues to be profoundly disappointing (This is the last time I complain about this, I promise. It’s not going to change; I know that.).

In short, in spite of the many things they do badly, a coherent if unimpressive story and a decently interesting and much-needed plot turn at the end of #6 keep these issues afloat.

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HE-MAN: THE ETERNITY WAR #1–3

***SPOILERS***           

He-Man: The Eternity War #1–3 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, Giger-abomination Hordak turns back into regular Hordak and forges himself a Power Sword, because all the cool kids have one these days and I hope you brought enough for everybody.  

Welcome to the new He-Man, same as the old He-Man. As expected, there’s a heavy dose of lore here, especially in issue #1, which is mostly recap so as to serve as a jumping-on point for new readers. Castle Grayskull is back somehow, and so is pretty much everybody else of note, including Skeletor, who can apparently use his awesome magic powers to come back to life but not to conjure himself a new jawbone.

In issue #2, Space Boots He-Man leads the snake troops into battle, while in issue #3, She-Ra chases MacGuffins. Meanwhile, Man-at-Arms fights a bunch of snake men allies for no other reason than to get back onto our radar and then becomes Iron Man. Lots of fighting ensues; most of it just feels obligatory, necessary to offset all the exposition we have to slog through.

Space Boots He-Man finally moves to the forefront in issue #2, although pretty much only because there’s a giant monster that needs killin’. He’s still not worth a damn as a character, though, because he’s got no real personality: he’s a generic hero shouting generic inspirational heroisms while fighting whatever bad guy is directly in front of him (and She-Ra’s almost exactly the same way, only more matter-of-fact and less angsty).

At one point, Man-at-Arms tells him, “You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known. Not because of the sword or the power of Grayskull. Because of you.” If only that were true, I would probably like these comics. This version of He-Man hasn’t done anything at any point to merit that praise, mostly because Abnett doesn’t seem to have a clue what to do with him. This He-Man’s got no wisdom, no compassion, no cleverness, no sense of humor—none of the things that made Filmation He-Man (and, to a lesser but still significant extent, 200X He-Man) such an endearing and admirable character. Not that Abnett’s left any real room in the story for these qualities anyway—his He-Man is little more than a grim and merciless killing machine, a video game character, and not at all someone who’s fun to hang out with or read comics about.

Mhan’s art is fine as usual, and the battle scenes are well done. There’s an awful lot of posing, though, especially in issue #1, since it’s mostly folks just standing around talking. And I will say, Space Boots He-Man does look slightly less terrible with that He-Dolph cape, although Battle Cat, like so many other characters in this series, looks completely ridiculous. Also, tell me that the Hordak-ified Castle Grayskull doesn’t look like the idol from the old Fireball Island board game. Stick a big marble right in there.

I’ve made fun of a bunch of stuff here, but honestly, these comics don’t actually do anything wrong per se. But the fact is, with all these one-dimensional characters and the throw-in-everything-as-fast-as-possible approach, I just don’t care—there’s no reason for me to care, nothing (and, more to the point, nobody) in particular to care about (in these three issues, we’re supposed to wonder whether three notable characters are dead—it just doesn’t matter). This all still feels like pretend He-Man to me, like weak fan fiction from folks who think grim and gritty = trendy = awesome, and no matter where Abnett, DC, and Mattel go with this story (I expect the expected), that seems unlikely to change.

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HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #19

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #19 (DC) is written by Rob David (Mattel’s head writer) and illustrated by Tom Derenick. This is a standalone flashback story, the last before the series gets rebranded as He-Man: The Eternity War. Here, twelve years in the past, young Prince Adam wants to join the Masters and Keldor attempts a coup.

Perhaps this plot would have been more interesting did it not parallel Scar’s stampede in The Lion King so flagrantly and so obviously. As it is, the bulk of the story is thoroughly predictable. There’s some good interaction between Adam and Teela, but the characters are otherwise on the flat side. And man, that inner monologue doesn’t fit a kid Adam’s age at all.

There’s a decent amount of lore here, including backstory on Keldor’s parentage and a bit about how Adam is unique. That’s great, I guess, if you go for that sort of thing; for me, two pages to “explain” the hocus pocus of how Adam is this unique prophecy-fulfilling messiah of destiny isn’t a particularly exciting climax. I know he’s a unique prophecy-fulfilling messiah of destiny—he’s He-Man, for dang sakes. But this is hardly the only time this series has had its focus on lore take priority over its focus on character or storytelling.

Masters of the Universe is like the original Star Wars trilogy in that these are worlds populated by main characters (and conflicts) that are the purest of archetypes, worlds that work perfectly well without bothering to answer “How does X work?” Why should they? Unnecessary explanations of fantastical core story elements are not only tiresome, they pull back the curtain to show the audience exactly how dumb and/or silly things really are (I’m looking at you, Phantom Menace). They explain the wonder out of everything.

“The Force!” or “Magic!” are completely sufficient How? answers for these kinds of stories—as somebody once said, “Any sufficiently explained magic is indistinguishable from science.” To wit, I never in my life wondered how the Power of Grayskull worked because I already knew what it was and what it signified.

As far as Masters of the Universe is concerned, the loremongering originated with MOTU Classics’ unnecessary attempt to cram all the pre-Filmation material (which I find to be an amusing quirk of the franchise and have no problem dealing with) into a single canon. But consider: the broad strokes of lore we got in the classic Filmation cartoon were sufficient to the task. The added details we got in the 200X show were welcome, and with the exception of the one-off second-season episode “The Power of Grayskull,” they were incorporated tangentially into the stories. But this DC material—this is like somebody explaining how a TV works when all you want to do is watch a show. Never mind that this lore is (to me, at least) confusing (that’s a nice way of saying there are holes in it) and not very interesting (because its relevance to the stories is minimal at best).

I got a little bit literary and pretentious there; sorry about that. Put succinctly, I would rather see an engaging story involving characters I’ve loved for thirty years than hear about King Miro’s blue baby mama or get a technical explanation of the theology of the Sorceress and the Goddess. If you can do both at the same time (or work it in more gracefully), cool, but so far, I haven’t seen it.

Derenick’s art is solid. I’m particularly impressed with his range of facial expressions. A nice job all around.

In conclusion: this final issue of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is a perfectly decent read, but unless you have some sort of frightening passion for third-gen (MOTU Classics) lore, it’s also one you can do perfectly well without.

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HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #16–18

***SPOILERS***

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #16–18 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan. Here, Space Boots He-Man and Adora arrive at Anwat-Gar, where grim and gritty serious business ensues.  

The center of this story—Adora murdering (or, if you prefer, “murdering”) Space Boots He-Man with the Cursed Blade—generates no suspense, for several reasons. Obviously, Space Boots He-Man can’t be dead, and obviously, Adora can’t still be evil with “The Origin of She-Ra” all over half the covers, so we tread a lot of water until we finally get to the explanation.

Abnett greases the story through the pipe with a bunch of mystical mumbo-jumbo plotting—the Teela-Sorceress makes Adora jump through all these angsty hoops because she “moves in mysterious ways.” Understandably, Adora’s mad that she got all this convoluted mess instead of an upfront explanation—her beef is the same as the reader’s, and it’s totally legit. The whole encroaching-Fright-Zone-dispelled-by-the-power-of-Grayskull business is glossed over pretty quickly, too, and seems like little more than an excuse for that splash panel.

All that said, within this misguidedly R-rated vision of He-Man (with He-Man lying, throat slit, in a huge puddle of his own blood, I think that’s fair to say—and if there were ever questions of whether you could share these comics with your small children, there certainly aren’t anymore), Adora’s ultimate decision for good—more gradually arrived upon than in the original origin story—is decently satisfying. Overall, is it a good origin story? Not really—it’s okay, but it isn’t in the same category as Filmation’s haphazardly plotted Secret of the Sword (which, don’t get me wrong, I like quite well).

I’m pretty happy with Mhan’s art here. Particularly nice touches include Tri-Klops flying the Roton and He-Ro as the son of King Grayskull. She-Ra’s new design doesn’t thrill me, but it’s better than anything He-Man’s worn this year, and I’m quite impressed with how un-scanty and un-fan-servicey it is. But why does the Sword of Protection change mid-scene from its classic form into that impractically pointy paddle?

On the whole, the second half of this “Blood of Grayskull” arc is DC and Abnett doing more DC and Abnett things. I may not be enthusiastic about it, but I can live with it, and that’s something.

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DC UNIVERSE VS. MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

***SPOILERS***

DC Universe vs. Masters of the Universe collects the eponymous 2013–2014 six-issue mini-series written primarily by Keith Giffen and illustrated primarily by Dexter Soy. Also included is DC Comics Presents #47 (1982), which we looked at some time ago. Here, Skeletor has fled to Earth, where he plans to drain the world’s magic—until a greater threat forces everyone to team up.  

This is a Masters of the Universe-centered story—non-He-Man fans probably won’t get much out of it (unless, perhaps, Justice League Dark gets you excited). But given Giffen’s previous work on Masters of the Universe, it’s unexpectedly unterrible, especially for a crossover.

Oh, it’s full of the problems that plague Giffen’s MOTU writing, including tons of inane bickering and plenty of characters lapsing into “hip” teenager-speak. But to those of us who have been travailing through DC’s MOTU comics, it’s worthwhile for its backstory and its tolerably satisfying conclusion of the red skull arc.   

It’s not all sunshine and bunnies, though—there’s plenty of stupidity. This is most glaring in the middle act, where, while the reader is patiently waiting to hear how Superman’s not really dead (come on, that’s not a spoiler), everyone in several Justice Leagues who isn’t named Batman is an idiot. (MOTU character: “Excuse me, can we have a rational conversation?” DC hero: “Rah! Fight you!” Repeat.)

Even when cool things happen, dumbness is right behind, grasping at the heels. We get Marlena, finally—only she’s been “cursed never to return” to Eternia, which just makes everybody shrug and go home; meanwhile, we never get an explanation for how the Justice League gets unpossessed.

Of course, the big news in this story is the resolution of the red skull business. The red skull, as you’ve no doubt deduced if you’ve kept up on your reading, is Horde Prime, who is also Orko, because eff yo childhood. Orko as a Diablo-style evil demigod is as terrible an idea as it sounds, but that horse left the barn a long time ago, so ugh, fine, let’s just go with it.

(The conclusion is rather abrupt on this front, too: “Nice job, the bad guys are gone forever.” “Um, we didn’t save Orko.” “Enh, we’ll get around to it later.” “But what about trying to free Marlena so she can finally go home?” “THE COMIC IS OVER, MAN, CAN’T YOU SEE THERE’S ONLY ONE MORE PAGE? GET IN THE PORTAL.”)

Sigh. Let’s end on a positive note.

Soy’s art is pretty good here, and a good fit—not too dark, not too cartoony. He also gives us quite a few more backgrounds than we usually get in these MOTU comics. Assuming he’s not responsible for Skeletor’s new look, I’ve got no beef with him.

So then: while DC Universe vs. Masters of the Universe is chockfull of flagrant dumbness, it isn’t as bad as I expected.

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HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #13–15

***SPOILERS***

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #13–15 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Pop Mhan.

#13 is a standalone flashback story that sets up the rest of the arc: in the aftermath of his defeat of Hordak (that’s Regular Hordak, not Giger Abomination Hordak), King Grayskull has to deal with this series’ mess of a prophecy while King Hssss incites a coup.

It’s nice to see Grayskull with that classic look, and he seems like a more interesting character than Space Boots He-Man has been to this point, but again, this story is grim and gritty without much in the way of context, and thus what could have been a poignant moment here goes by the wayside for lack of backstory.

In #14 and #15, all the big developments from the last arc are packed away in the closet as Space Boots He-Man accompanies Adora in search of Anwat-Gar. (Why is she going there? Because she has a map, duh.) The covers make it obvious where this is all generally headed—but our problem has always been with the details. One hopes they at least leave the samurai stilts out of it this time.

Storytelling aside, Abnett’s writing is okay. The tone of his dialogue still isn’t consistent and the series still isn’t grounded at all, but at least now you get the feeling that he might get there someday, especially if he could condescend to tell some smaller-scale stories. No, the biggest problem remains the dark tone of the series, which just doesn’t work for me at all—not because I don’t like dark, but because with this tone, these characters simply cannot bear any real resemblance to their classic versions, the ones we know and actually care about. Here’s an example:

We get quite a good moment in #15 where Space Boots He-Man actually does something quite He-Manly (albeit after having to think about it for a while first). On the other hand, the Horde Troopers are now explicitly living beings rather than robots (which they certainly seemed to be in #1–6), and Space Boots He-Man is butchering them by the score in the process. So there’s that.

I have to say that Mhan’s art is definitely growing on me. It’s cleaner than it was earlier in this series, which helps a lot. The attention to detail is strong, and all the little throwbacks to the 1980s are delightful—the three towers of the old Eternia playset on Grayskull’s tapestries, for example, or Adora’s outfit.

On the whole, these issues are nothing to get excited about, but once again, I find myself cautiously optimistic going forward (and the cover to #15 earned this series the tiniest bit of extra goodwill). Stay tuned.

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THE STORY OF SHE-RA (mini-comic, 1985)

Not to be confused with The Sword of She-Ra or The Secret of the Sword, The Story of She-Ra (1985) is the first Princess of Power mini-comic. He-Man’s in it, or we wouldn’t be here. No author or artist is credited, but I’d guess Larry Houston on the pencils and maybe Bruce Timm on the inks.

This is a vastly different origin: Adora’s still kidnapped by the Horde as a baby, but the only ones who appear in this story are Hordak and Catra. As this story begins, Adora’s already free and a good guy somehow, she’s already got the sword somehow, and she turns into She-Ra on her own (in front of Catra) somehow. Thus, He-Man drops by pretty much just to say hi. It’s borderline incoherent. Typos abound. Also, the moral’s printed explicitly in red because…girls are stupid?

The art is perfectly fine and the colors are good, but it can be confusing because Adora looks like She-Ra already, like the action figure does. When Adora changes into She-Ra, her headpiece flips around to go over her eyes, Batman-style, following the original toy concept; otherwise, her outfit doesn’t really change.

In short, this one’s a mess. It might be worth a look just for how wacky it is.

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Read it HERE

HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE #7–9

***SPOILERS***

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe #7–9 (DC) are written by Dan Abnett and illustrated by Rafael Kayanan and Michael S. O’Hare. Here, when Randor leads an attack on a Horde archaeological dig, Hordak nukes the site from orbit, leading the Heroic Warriors to undertake a forbidden journey to Subternia in an attempt to resurrect the Sorceress. No, seriously.  

From the first panel, Abnett tries to go high fantasy with the dialogue and narration. You’ll recall that Giffen did too—sometimes. Abnett, at least, is a lot more consistent, and so it works a lot better. The scripting isn’t anything fantastic, but there’s a conspicuous absence of any petty bickering. In fact, Abnett’s Teela isn’t too far off from the 200X Teela: sassy, but not obnoxiously so. On the heels of the complete disaster that was Giffen’s scripting, this is a major upgrade that imbues every page of these comics with the refreshing breeze of not flagrantly sucking.  

Beyond the fact that on the face of it, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, the plot is also fair; I’m not sorry to move the story away from the Horde for a while. Unfortunately, the pace isn’t great. There’s too much fighting and too much expository speechifying (including a great deal of mystical mumbo jumbo concerning the Goddess). Since we’re not getting any character development for any of these people, we need to be getting a good amount of storytelling accomplished, and we just aren’t—there seems to be a ton of ground to cover (or to skip over) to resolve this storyline by the end of #12.   

Other thoughts on the writing: Iron Pants He-Man still isn’t doing much; he’s just part of the team. In fact, it’s obvious who the most powerful of the Heroic Warriors is: Moss Man. For reals. It’s not even close. And everybody just calls Iron Pants He-Man “Adam.” Given all this, it might be time to retitle the book. If you don’t like Adam and the Masters of the Universe, plain old Masters of the Universe would certainly fit better, as would, perhaps, Justice League of Eternia.

The decision to make Grizzlor, of all people, the Horde’s sophisticated tactician is an interesting one, but it works well enough. Man-At-Arms is conspicuous by his absence, although Randor fills his role as the group’s strategic planner, wearer of sweet knobbly armor, and gun-haver. Abnett also seems to be going out of his way to drop these characters’ “real” names from the MOTU Classics line whenever possible. Gur’rull Gu’rroooow? Sure, buddy. Whatever you want. Also, we really could have used some better editing.

Kayanan does the art for #7 and #8. There are some nice touches: a lot of the classic vehicles appear, for example, and Grizzlor’s cloak is clearly made from the Mattel Fright Zone dragon puppet (but why does Stratos look like Spider-Man?). However, Kayanan uses heavy, messy inks, his figures often look flat, and his human faces aren’t good at all—it’s an ugly style that doesn’t work for me at all. It also makes for a jarring transition to O’Hare’s art in #9, which is clean, bright, and vibrant. It’s a style that fits what He-Man is supposed to be all about (although…would one background be too much to ask for?). The short-term good news is that O’Hare is listed as the artist on #10–12. The only other art-related comment I have is that the cover for #7 is probably the worst I’ve seen since Marvel put Hordak’s giant head on the cover of Masters of the Universe #4 (in which he didn’t even appear) in 1986.

So then: while these are, overall, some pretty mediocre comics, they’re also the most unterrible He-Man comics we’ve seen in many moons. By God, these things are readable. I’ve been subjected to too much to get my hopes up, but #10–12 certainly have the potential to be the most unterrible comics yet.

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